At 9:30am on 4/23/2017, I attended Managing Your Iceberg, presented by Cory Miller, at the 2017 Wordcamp Conference in Raleigh, NC
Managing Your Iceberg
Cory opened by telling us that we’d be hearing some very personal things. Entrepeneurship is the hardest and most rewarding job there is. When looking at the important info, he came to this idea of the iceberg.
The tip we see is seunchine and success – everything is awesome. Below the waterline, struggle and suffering – all the stuff I bury & hide from everyone. Anger, stress, frustration, jealousy, competition,. conflict, loss, insecurity, criticism, failur, fear, etc. You’re not alone.
For the man’s life in 2010-2011, so much was going on in his business life, that everything was coming up roses. However, there were numerous items under the surface which was tearing his life apart.
Today, things are slightly different. He has a 4-year old child just like him, and a 2-year old child just like his wife. And, certainly being a parent is the most frustrating job which has ever existed. They are the greatest joy in life, but they are also the greatest trouble. 🙂 Its worth it though
Same Problems, Different Names
We have to learn to be human. You’re a real person, you have emotions. Let’s not hide the human experience, lets not sweep it under the rug (let’s NOT do this on facebook). Be Human with others, and you’ll get human back. SOmetimes its not always awesome, but it is real. There are too many opportunities to be robotic or inhuman. If you aren’t being human or acting it, you’re missing out.
What holds us back
Self defense, fear, ego, pride, shame, embarrassment, guilt… these things hold us back. In short, a superhero syndrome. That he may not want anyone to help him, that he could take it all on. The right people rushed in to help him when he let it out.
How to navigate the iceberg NOW
Its all about relationships and people. Those who rush in, while everyone else runs out. Those are the helpful ones. For us viewers, if everything in your world got turned upside down, WHO would you need? Things will go wrong. When everything hits the fan, who is there to help you make it through.
Your significant other- your first and essential partner. Your counselor- someone who you may not have to ask to pass you your favorite dish at thanksgiving.
My iceberg group
Safe group of like-minded, value-aligned people on a similar path. What’s the why? The learning, growth, accountability, support you need to keep you afloat. Its ok to have a uniform group #2, and iceberg friends that help to keep you afloat. I hate the term “mastermind group”. To get them, find those who are trusting and respect, confidentiality, no pillow talk. Learn and grow, not there to sit and gloat, and able to receive Empathetic support and not be jealous or judgemental. Empathy is not sympathy. its walking in one another’s footsteps without judgement.
Wysiwyg, shed the masks and costumets. Share the iceberg, the higest highs and lowest lows. Parallel stories offered, but not arrogant advice. More often than not, we want your story, not to be told things as advice. Give me the story and I’ll draw my own conclusions.
It starts with you
Be proactive and start herding cats. Start today. be open and honest, but have mutual trust and respect with CIA-level secrecy. There are plenty of support groups for problems which are specific, but not exactly one for LIFE.
Start simple and build from there. Dedicated meetings regularly. Monthly by phone, zoom, whatevery works. Once a year, have a retreat, and add new members.
If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. THis has been tweaked to:
if you want to go miservable and lonely, go alone. If you want to go supported and happy, go together.
Success = 3 things you’re grateful for, and your support team.
Struggle = what’s holding you back, your fears, whats keeping you up at night or giving you heartburn
Cory Miller is a former newspaper journalist turned full-time entrepreneur. In 2008, he started iThemes, one of the first commercial product companies in WordPress, that now offers key products like BackupBuddy, iThemes Security and iThemes Sync. Named the 7th fastest growing company in Oklahoma City in 2011 by the Metro 50, iThemes employs over 20 people around the globe with headquarters in Oklahoma City. In 2011, he co-founded The Div, Inc, a nonprofit tech foundation aimed at inspiring and training the next generation of web developers through its kid’s program, Div Jr. He is the co-author of WordPress All-in-One for Dummies (Wiley, 2011) and is a member of the Oklahoma chapter of Entrepreneurs’ Organization, a network of over 8,000 entrepreneurs in 40 countries with companies that have revenue over $1 million dollars annually. He blogs regularly about entrepreneurship and career advice here at CoryMiller.com. He is married to Lindsey Miller, who is the Partner Manager at Liquid Web. They have an adorable son named Caloway and a little sweetheart daughter named Lillian.
At 9:15am on 4/22/2017, I attended Where’s The Wordcamp Opening Keynote, presented by Chris Lema, at the 2017 Wordcamp Conference in Raleigh, NC
Wordcamp Opening Remarks: Seven Stories, One Point
Opening remarks were given by Ben Merideth, and Chris Lema immediately began with a story. A texi driver saw smoke and called the fire department, who had already received 6 calls. There were no sprinklers, no clearly marked exits. 10 people died. People from the 6th, 5th, 4th, 3rd, 1st floor were easily evacuated. the 10 were trapped in the bathroom on the 2nd floor. It was not an issue of evacuation, windows or bars, but what was it that caused the problem.
Here he stopped the story, and gave a small motivational talk about how easy it can be to get intimidated. And there is really no reason for that. lunch was the hardest– because he didn’t know anyone. Its easy to be intimidated because you don’t know or are unsure. All of that is normal. Its easy to get intimidated. Here’s seven stories with one point.
In the community, you will find people who are smarter than you, disappointed in you, ignoring you. Chris grew up with a brother who was smarter than him. In the workplace, we see people smarter than us all the time. the important point is to avoid the negative self-talk. There are people within any community who will have expectations that you cannot hit. Certain expectations are good. Others are not. Especially when the expectations are based only on someone else’s expectations when they don’t know you. Others may ignore you. In the community, it is easy to be intimidated when the situation is awkward.
There will be people who highlight your mistakes. Turning on debugging is like bringing in your worst nagging. After dropping a plug-in, he was given numerous mistakes in return. This is especially true in the opensource community. People will take any chance to make adjustments. You can’t take that specifically to your heart. Don’t forget that you can delete comments. At Chrislema.com I used to think that was wrong. But if you want to pontificate, go somewhere else. Others will hustle more than you. A friend runs wpbeginner.com , and he’s 20yrs younger than him. People push harder, work harder, than you. You should be able to hustle smarter, or just less, but that’s ok. Others will disagree with you. 6 months ago, Chris quit his job at Crowd Favorite. Others disagreed, telling him that he can’t quit a job while you have no plan. He took about 9 months with cigars in hot tubs. There are tons of problems that open source isn’t solving. Its hard to find free workers on large projects when there’s no payout at the end. Everyone says “There’s no way”. So he joined a hosting company called Liquid Web. He gave them a roadmap and they agreed.
THe point here is that there’s always going to be someone who disagrees. The suggestion or trick here? GET INVOLVED. Get involved and keep showing up. All the stress and narratives go away. “When its your turn to be picked, you have to be within pointing distance”. You have to go to where the action is, because at some point the older people die off. And you have to be in pointing distance, keep showing up. Don’t get distracted, don’t copy/paste. without context, its all a sham.
Why did they die in the restaurant n 1979? why would they have a problem exiting the restaurant? it was 1:30pm. THey had eaten their lunch, but hadn’t gotten their bills. THey didn’t want to be first to leave. The peer pressure caused the smoke inhalation to kill them. Comparison kills. If it doesn’t kill you physically, it can kill you emotionally. Don’t let comparison or someone else’s ideas govern what you can or can’t do.
Its easy to get intimidated, let someone’s beliefs or actions get you down. THis can be intimidating, but comparison kills and this is your show. Engage, get involved, and you’ll defeat that intimidation.